There are modern life realities that have become hard to ignore as my kids hit their tween and teen years.

This one is by far the weirdest and the one that caught me most off guard.

It’s a random Friday. The kids get off the bus at 3:30 and scatter to their rooms for Chromebook homework, chatter, and texting.

I’ve been gardening all day, laundry done that morning. The sweat and itchiness finally drive me inside, so I head upstairs for the shower.

I pop my head in to check on the girls. In full mom mode and unfiltered family voice: I tell them to put up their laundry, declare their bras are washed, and joke that a fire ant may have bitten me in a NSFW spot.

They laugh and banter back, promising to do their laundry. One? Two? Wait, three voices?

On the dresser, there’s a FaceTime call with my daughter’s boyfriend. They’re not even holding the phone. He’s just been hanging out. I never would have known he was in the room.

FaceTime use is not how it started.

Remember when people were debating on whether Alexa was always listening? Turns out she’s not the notable boundary offender.

It’s Gen Alpha’s casual FaceTime habits.

I was 20 years old when FaceTime came out in 2010. As a millennial, I thought that technology was ours. We could communicate like the sci fi shows that seemed so futuristic in the 90’s. It was exciting, albeit, awkward in the early stages.

Importantly, it never felt threatening then because we used it differently, like a phone call, not teleportation.

We had no idea that technology wasn’t ours. Late Gen Z’s and Gen Alphas would make it the pervasive presence it is today.

On one hand, I completely understand how this happened. It makes perfect sense: Gen Alpha had screens from birth. By then, social norms had already been completely redesigned by the tech revolution.

On the other, I can’t grapple with the fact that I simply didn’t see it coming. It’s almost unsettling to watch technology shape things in real time, especially when you were the technology saviors to your boomer parents. It’s another tech induced generational gap like streaming reinventing the radio.

Then again, the kids make it seem normal.

Apparently, we’re never alone.

Is this the new normal? By who’s standards?

Growing up we had phone etiquette. We learned to take a call like this:

• Hello, Smith residence?
• This is she.
• He’s not available, can I take a message?

We had format, expectations, and norms. It felt formal and you were quite literally tethered to the wall with a cord.

Not anymore. The way Gen Alpha uses FaceTime has taught me to glance at every phone for who’s listening, even at home.

In the beginning, it felt like innocuous teen behavior. After weekly recurring incidents, it seems like I can’t find real privacy anywhere. The awkward FaceTime invasions recur weekly in different contexts:

• Entrances to adult hangouts with 18+ language.
• Asking permission and having private parenting overheard.
• Walking in while we’re in bed (fine for your child, just not guests).
• The worst. Shoving a phone in my face, “SAY HI TO MY MOM.”

Growing up, home was a safe haven that offered both privacy and interaction. Parties, guests, and free flow of conversation were all a piece of this, but they came with warning.

These new habits have been generally seen as harmless “kids these days” antics, myself included in the early stages. That said, it’s starting to wear at me, I’m not hearing other parents comment on it, and I’m not sure if we’re just letting this happen.

Where did the phone etiquette go? Shouldn’t someone standardize a new rule set that fits?

Also, what’s it like?

The other part of me is curious about what it’s like to hang out without physically walking to your friends house after school.

I’m not sure of the full implications on how technology is affecting these kids, just as I can’t comprehend turning in every assignment through Canvas. They live in a differently reality, yet still grounding themselves in our parental advice.

Ironically, I spent 6 years teaching technology to elementary students. It is absolutely outstanding how apt they are at end user and programming skills with time and direction. I’ve seen how Gen Alphas have the capacity to change the world and make waves in technology’s future. I did my best to educate them on digital footprints and the dangers of social media.

The caveat is that when left unchecked, I don’t know who’s in charge: kid or phone. And, we’ve already normalized it. The parental control apps don’t even work well.

Somebody has got to update the rules.

So far, my impression from other parents is that we’re allowing the FaceTime privacy breach. I can’t figure out why the millennials have yet to create structure around our kids’ ability to broadcast our most sensitive moments.

Someone has to write the new etiquette, like when our phone was actually tethered to the wall and there was a call answering procedure.

Whoever writes the rules, hurry up, because here, ‘home’ feels live-streamed.

Until, then I’ll just continue to feel robbed of my privacy by the teleportation device in my kids’ hands.

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If you’ve ever felt blindsided by how fast tech changes the rules inside your own home, you’re not alone. It’s part of a bigger question I keep circling back to: what else are we losing along the way? That’s the heart of this project. Read more about it in our mission.